Small Talk and Spandex

I have been practicing the art of small talk. Exchanges which are relevant, friendly and fit into an 8 floor elevator ride or can be understood from the distance of a neighbor's driveway. Like most people, weather is my fall back topic. As such, this season gave rise to something along the lines of "I dare'nt get all my Spring clothes out at once, lest it guarantee another freeze!"
Well, tonight I decided to dig out my Spring clothes. I have watched my mother do this several times a year for many years now, so I knew it was going to be an ordeal. I got out plastic bags and labeled them for "give away" or "toss." Then I made the plunge into the basement where we keep totes of memorabilia, weird 80s style Jesus pictures, the cat litter box, Joshua's old terrariums, and boxes of off season clothing. Eventually I find a suitcase which I recall packing my extra clothes into at one point. I triumphantly zip it open. Inside are 2 items, a tank top dress and a floral print skirt.
I then realize, I have never had much need for a 'summer wardrobe' as I am usually engaged in some sort of endeavour which doesn't require it. Here's the run down.

I was a Ranger at Philmont (3 seasons):
shorts (1), zip offs (1), Staff shirts (3), Chacos, boots.

I worked for Alaska Icefield expeditions (2 seasons):
Carhartts (1), Staff shirts (5), staff sweatshirts (2), snow boots

I hiked the Pacific Crest Trail (1 season):
zip offs (from Philmont), T-shirt (also from Philmont), boots, some insoles and duct-tape for sandals.

At this point I have to wonder whether I don't pursue things like that specifically to avoid having to think about stuff like 'coordinating' outfits. Ask my mom, when she took me clothes shopping during High School I would grab arm loads of clothes, shut myself in the dressing room, and take a nap on them. It didn't go over so hot.

Another idea which did not go over so hot with me at first was the idea of spandex shorts with built in diapers. For starters:


And, even if you are in spectacular shape, you can still look forward to this:


My judgment ebbed on Monday when I tried to get off my bike and my Philmont shorts caught on the bike seat, thus pitching my face into the pavement (nobody worry, I broke the bike's fall with my body; Frank is okay).
It dissipated further when some man in lose cut-off shorts rode into the parking lot and dismounted by kicking his leg over the front handle bars.
My tune was changed completely by the time I sat down at the office on Monday after having ridden trails all day Sunday afternoon.

I come from a people who are naturally padded. Well, not so much on my father's side, but my mother's people are built to weather harsh winters. My most recent harsh winter involved a lot of hot chocolate drinking and cookie baking... even with all that cushioning my hiney had nothing nice to say about Bianchi. So I swallowed my pride and inquired after a pair of cycling shorts. Turns out, my mom has an extra pair.
"I never wear these because they are obscene," she explains happily as she proffers them to me.
Great. Now I'm super confident about going to ride with my new friends for the first time on Wednesday.

Fortunately I have 6 seasons of function over fashion in recent history (let's not even TOUCH the topic of childhood garb)...not to mention my only other option is a floral print skirt. And hey, it gives me something new to make small talk about.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to return to looking up funny pictures of people wearing spandex.